How to write a eulogy

Being asked to give a eulogy is an honor that rarely feels like one at first. You are grieving, the service is days away, and you are expected to sum up a life in a few minutes. The good news: nobody in that room wants a perfect speech. They want to recognize the person. A eulogy works when it sounds like you and shows them as they really were.

1. Find out how long you have

Before you write a word, ask the family or the funeral director how long you should speak and whether others are speaking too. Most eulogies run three to five minutes. At a calm pace of about 130 words a minute, that is roughly 400 to 650 words. If several people will speak, aim for two minutes, about 260 words. Shorter is almost always better than longer.

2. Gather memories, not a biography

Take ten minutes with a notebook and write down anything that comes to mind. Then ask two or three people who knew them well for one story each. Useful prompts:

• What three words would you use to describe them?
• What is one specific moment you keep coming back to?
• What did they always say?
• What did they love: people, places, rituals, small habits?
• What did they teach you, on purpose or by example?

Specific details do the work. “She was generous” is easy to forget. “She kept a drawer of birthday cards so no one on her street went without one” is something people will remember.

3. Choose a simple shape

You don’t need a clever structure. Three shapes work for almost everyone:

The classic

Say who you are and who they were to you. Share two or three qualities, each with a short story. Close with what they leave behind and a goodbye.

The story-led eulogy

Open inside one vivid memory, describe it plainly, then step back: “That was Dad. He…” Use the story as a window into who they were, and finish by returning to it.

The short and simple eulogy

If you are worried about getting emotional, write five or six short paragraphs with short sentences. One quality, one memory, one thing you’ll carry with you, and a farewell. It is completely fine to keep it brief.

4. Write the way you talk

A eulogy is heard, not read. Use short sentences and everyday words. Read each paragraph out loud as you write it; if you stumble, simplify. A little humor is welcome if it fits the person and the family, as long as it is affectionate and about them, not at anyone’s expense. Avoid inside jokes that only two people will understand.

“Mom never measured anything when she cooked. When I asked how much salt, she’d say, ‘Enough.’ I’ve realized that’s how she loved people, too. Never measured. Always enough.”

5. Be careful with facts and feelings

Double-check names, dates and places with family. Leave out details about illness or the cause of death unless the family wants them included. Don’t settle old disagreements from the podium. If you are not sure whether something belongs, leave it out.

6. Prepare to deliver it

• Print it in large type. 16 to 18 point, with space between paragraphs, so you can find your place when you look up.
• Practice aloud three times. Time yourself once. Mark places to pause and breathe.
• Bring water and tissues. Ask someone to stand nearby who could finish reading if you need them to.
• Pause when emotion comes. Look down, breathe, and continue. Everyone in the room understands.

A simple outline you can fill in

1. Opening: “My name is ___, and ___ was my ___.”
2. Who they were: three words, and a sentence on each.
3. A story: one specific memory, told plainly.
4. What they loved: people, places, small rituals.
5. What they leave us: a lesson, a habit, a phrase.
6. Goodbye: speak to them directly, or thank them, in one or two sentences.

Opening lines that work

The first sentence is often the hardest. Simple openings are best because they steady you and orient the room:

• “For those who don’t know me, I’m ___. ___ was my ___, and one of my favorite people in the world.”
• “When the family asked me to speak today, the first thing I thought of was ___.”
• “If you knew ___, you know that ___.” (Finish with something everyone in the room will recognize.)
• “I want to tell you about one ordinary afternoon, because it says everything about who ___ was.”

What to leave out

• A list of achievements. Résumé facts belong in the obituary. Pick one or two that mattered to them and say why.
• Private family matters. If a story could embarrass a living person, skip it.
• Apologies for being nervous. You don’t need to explain. Just begin.
• Promises about the afterlife unless you know the family shares that faith.

Common questions

Is it okay to read from paper?

Yes. Almost everyone reads a eulogy. Nobody expects you to memorize it, and reading keeps you on track when emotions rise.

What if I cry?

Then you cry. Stop, breathe, take a sip of water and continue when you are ready. It is one of the most human moments of a service, and nobody will think less of you.

Should I use humor?

If the person was funny, a light story can be a gift to the room. Keep it warm, keep it about them, and follow it with something sincere.

If you’re stuck

When the blank page is the hardest part, it helps to see a draft built from your own memories. Eulogy Writer asks you the questions above and writes three versions in these shapes using only what you tell it. The opening is free to read; you then edit the draft into your own words.

Start with your memories