How to write a eulogy for a grandparent

When a grandparent dies, their children usually carry the main eulogy, and a grandchild is often asked to say a few words as well. That gives you a particular job. You don’t need to cover the whole life; someone else will likely do that, and the obituary will list the dates. What you bring is the view from the next generation: what it was like to be their grandchild, and what of them carries on in the family.

Find out what others are covering

Before you write, ask who else is speaking and what they plan to say. If your mother or uncle is telling the life story, you can skip the biography and go straight to your memories. If you are the only speaker, you will need a short outline of their life, so ask an older relative to check the basics with you: where they were born, when they married, where they worked, how many children and grandchildren they had. Getting a date or place wrong in front of their siblings and old friends is the mistake people remember, and it is easy to avoid.

Speaking for all the grandchildren

Often one grandchild speaks on behalf of all of them. If that is you, message your cousins and siblings a few days ahead and ask each one for a single memory or a phrase your grandparent always said. You won’t use them all, but you will find patterns: the same card game, the same candy in the same dish, the same warning about wet hair in winter. Patterns are gold, because when you mention them, every grandchild in the room nods at once. Say clearly at the start that you are speaking for all of you, and if you use a cousin’s story, name them: “My cousin Ana remembers…”.

A structure that fits a grandparent

1. Who you are. Name and which grandchild you are, especially in a big family. “I’m Sam, Rosa and Tom’s oldest.”
2. Their world when you were small. Their house, the smell of it, the rules there, the things that were only allowed at Grandma’s.
3. One or two stories from your side. A moment that was just between the two of you, or a shared ritual all the grandchildren had.
4. Who they were before you. A sentence or two you learned later: the immigration story, the war years, the job, the courtship. This is where the long life comes in, briefly.
5. What carries on. A recipe, a saying, a way of welcoming people, a family trait that skipped your parents and landed on you.
6. Goodbye. Use the name you called them: Nana, Pop, Abuela, Grandpa Joe.

Notice the order. Starting with your own memories, then stepping back to their earlier life, lets you discover them alongside the room instead of opening with a history lesson.

Things to gather from the family

• What you called them, and what they called you.
• Their house or apartment: one room, one object, one smell.
• Food, games, songs, TV shows or chores you did together.
• Advice they gave, even if it was strange or out of date. It is often the most loved part of the speech.
• A story about them from before you were born that the family tells over and over.
• How they were with each grandchild, and with great-grandchildren if there were any.
• How they changed in later years, told with respect rather than pity.

An example

This grandmother is fictional; the example shows the structure, from a grandchild’s memory to her earlier life and back.

“I’m Maya, and I’m speaking for all eleven of Nana’s grandchildren, which she would point out is a full soccer team.

At Nana’s house you could not leave the table until you had played one hand of rummy. It did not matter if you were six or twenty-six. She dealt fast, she counted out loud, and she did not let anyone win, including my little brother on his birthday.

It was only when I was older that I learned she learned her first English on the ship from Naples, playing cards with the other passengers, because counting points out loud was the only English they all had. Every game we played at that table was, in a way, her first lesson.

Last Christmas, my cousin Leo’s daughter, who is five, beat all of us. Nana laughed so hard she had to put her cards down.

Nana, we’ll keep counting out loud. And nobody is going to let anyone win.”

That passage is about a minute and a half read slowly, which is a reasonable length for a grandchild’s tribute when others are also speaking.

How long a grandparent’s eulogy should be

If parents, aunts or uncles are also giving eulogies, two to three minutes is usually right, about 260 to 400 words at a calm pace of roughly 130 words a minute. If you are the main or only speaker, aim for three to five minutes and include a short outline of their life. Ask the family or funeral director before you start writing, and time a practice reading out loud.

Common mistakes

• Turning it into a history lecture. A grandparent may have lived through big events, but a list of decades and world history loses the person. Tie any history to one thing they did or said.
• Getting facts wrong. Names, dates, hometowns and the number of grandchildren are easy to check and painful to get wrong in front of their generation. Check with an older relative.
• Speaking only for yourself when you were asked to speak for everyone. If you represent the grandchildren, make sure the stories include more than you.
• Dwelling on decline. Many grandparents spend their last years in poor health or with memory loss. A short, kind mention is fine; the eulogy should be about the person they were for most of their life.
• Talking down to them. Avoid describing them as cute or treating old-fashioned habits as jokes at their expense. Affection is fine; condescension isn’t.

If you are young

Teenagers and young adults are often asked to speak at a grandparent’s funeral, sometimes for the first time in public. Keep sentences short, write it the way you talk, and print it in large type. One honest memory read slowly is better than a long speech. It is completely fine to have a parent stand beside you.

Related guides

• How to write a eulogy: length, structure and delivery tips for any eulogy
• Eulogy for mom: writing about your mother as a whole person
• Eulogy for dad: how to write about a father, including quiet fathers

Get a first draft from your memories

If you have the stories, from you and your cousins, but don’t know how to put them together, Eulogy Writer asks about them, a memory or two and what they always said, then writes three drafts, classic, story-led and short, using only what you tell it. The opening is free to read; edit the one you keep into your own words.

Write about your grandparent